Like Brother, like Sister

Blue eyes, red hair and red lips.  Doesn't get cuter than that!

Thank heaven for toys that make the crinkly sound.  They're the only ones that keep her attention for longer than 30 seconds.  Violette is like Henry in so many ways, which scares me to death thinking about her as a toddler, not that anything could be worse than Bea right now.  I just remember how hard Henry was too.  Anyway, Henry wasn't that into toys and neither is Violette.  Bea and Clementine would sit and play for long periods of time but Violette likes to be interacted with and held and looked at by people.  She loves to laugh at the kids and it's a good thing I have so many kids who love her because she gets entertained almost all day long.  Even though she gets bored quickly with toys, she doesn't complain too loudly and if she's cranky, she usually just whimpers until I can come get her. 

My three girls! I'm the luckiest mom in the world.

 Violette is growing well now and has a fair amount of chub on her tiny little body.  She's still really short, fitting in her 0-3 month clothes still but her head and weight are back where they should be.  Henry was also pretty small until he was about 9 months, got chubby and then around 18 months started to get really tall.  Hopefully she'll be the same. 

Bea loves her baby sister

She is sleeping in my bed with me, which is different than all my other babies.  It's just more convenient when she wakes up at night, plus Justin has decided to sleep in the guest room until next month when she'll be forced to sleep through the night by none other than mean mommy.  The day you turn 5 months old, I'm not coming in anymore.  Sorry baby doll.  That's the way it goes.  That's the day Daddy moves back in!  Back to the sleep issue though.  So, I never snuggle with her when I'm sleeping or anything so is that still called co-sleeping? I never got into that, but maybe I'm doing it now.  I really don't know. 

She's not sitting up yet, or anywhere close to that, and she's not rolling over and hates to be on her stomach, so no serious progress yet.  She's just smiling and laughing up a storm.  We love our little redhead.

Poor neglected baby

Sweet Smile

Violette, we took you up to Snowbird today at the end of the day to watch the kids ski and to go hot tubbing in the awesome outdoor hot tubs and you were miserable.  By the end of the day your little eyes were red and your little voice was hoarse.  It's probably hard to be the fourth child and be neglected, and less considered.  I'm sorry that we drag you around, even when you're sick and tired and that you don't have a perfect schedule for your naps.  I'm sorry that Bea hugs you too hard and sticks her feet in your face many times a day.  I'm sorry that when you cry, I usually can't come to your aid right away.  I wish I could just hold you and be sensitive to all of your needs.  Just know that I have a special place for you in my heart and that I love you Vivi Lu. 

For the Record

Look at her double chin emerging and those rosy cheeks.  No more starving baby here!

So just for the record I have to document Violette's first few months of life since we basically have no photos because our camera broke and because it was the holidays and it got hectic around here.  Also I have to document that I have been trying to breastfeed her and no matter how much I feed her, she doesn't seem to be getting enough milk, possibly because she sleeps so much at night and even if I feed her every two hours during the 12 hours she's awake, my milk supply seems to be confused.  When I stopped pumping exclusively at around 7 weeks and just try to start breastfeeding I got thrush again for like the umteenth time and had to get on serious medication.  Thankfully it went away, but during that time I was in such pain that I would just put off nursing for one more hour here and there until I was only nursing like 4 times in a 24 hour period and Violette had so little energy that she wouldn't even cry, but just slept all day long.  She went 12 hours one day without even waking up and that's when it hit me, plus that same day I looked at her and she seemed to have that "starving child" look:Hunger in her eyes and cheekbones poking out.  I took her to her appointment and she had indeed lost over one pound.  I felt horrible and cried in agony at my neglectful behavior.  How could I have not known? I guess it's because she never cried that I thought she was fine.  Thankfully, our pediatrician immediately had us pump her full of extra milk and formula, which I did, and now she's three months old, doing great, gaining weight and smiling all day long.  She still sleeps about 7 or 8 hours straight from when I put her to bed until I wake up in the morning, which is a huge blessing for me, then I nurse her and she sleeps until about noon if I want her to.  If not, I get her up and she's awake for a couple hours before needing to take a really long nap.  All in all, she probably sleeps around 18 hours per day still if I let her.  The least amount she will sleep is about 14, but then she's usually really cranky and wants to be put to bed.  All I have to do is swaddle her, nurse her or put her binkie in and lay a soft blankie over her eyes and she'll fall right to sleep.  She really is a sweet and easy baby.  I even love hearing her little cry because it's so soft and unoffensive.  I just wanted to admit to your history that you had a continuation of a rough start and that I'm sorry little one.  I felt horrible but now you're my 1st priority right now.  I just love you so much!

What's in a name?

Violette's blessing dress made by my mom

So, "Violette?", you ask yourself? "What was Amelia thinking?" you say to your spouse? Well, I'll tell you.  Justin has two grandmothers, one named Viola(Vai-O-la) and another named Violet.  I always had Violet on my baby name list and it seemed to be at the top, but something just wasn't right. I didn't like any of my other names as much, but I didn't love just plain ol' Violet so I looked up the variations and when I read Violette, it just stuck and it was the one.  I briefly considered Violetta, the Italian version, but for some reason I don't like names ending in an -uh sound because it makes our names sound like full sentences like Bea's middle name, Isabella which is gaggingly overused.  I could make a sentence out of it.  "Isabella Hohl" changes to, "Is a bell a whole?" There are so many names that we couldn't use because they either created bad concepts or other full sentences like my personal favorite, Phillipa, which is a name I would have  totally used.  I LOVE that name, but put it all together and it says, "fill up a hole".  There is no way.  A, P, and I names are out of the picture and then I have to be careful of names ending in -es -is or -as for obvious reasons.  Since I like unusual names, you'd be surprised at how many names I couldn't use that I would have considered. 

Violette starting to smile.  She looks just like Henry to us!

I like my concept names like Jackson Hole, Whole Clementine, Be Whole and now Vivi Whole which also means "Live Whole" in Italian.  I'm trying to embrace our last name and turn it into something interesting instead of naming my kids really boring, normal names to downplay it.  All our kids have ties to ancestors, but have an international twist.  Even Clementine is French.  Henry doesn't respond to his name anymore, so I call him Enrico most of the time.  So there you have it, we have two Italian and two French babies.  Would you expect anything less from me?

mer baby

This is Violette in her merbaby costume. It was a big hit and she was so warm in it. We didn't even have to wear coats this year it was so warm, then we woke up the next morning to snow on the ground. Perfect timing!

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Violette in action

Just a short clip of my newest little pumpkin. Enjoy!

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Our smallest one yet...Violette

First shot without all the cords.  That paper bow was where the IV was put in

 Violette Lucienne was born at 10:25 in the morning on October 6th 2011.  She weighed in at meager 7lbs 6oz and 19.5 inches long and has dropped down below seven pounds giving me a tiny little six-and-change pounder to take care of which I have never had the pleasure to experience.  She is so tiny and delicate AND is the most content and wonderful baby we have ever had.  To quote Justin saying to his friends how it is being a father of four, "I don't even know if I've heard the baby cry yet!" Well, he hasn't because she rarely cries and sleeps for about 23 hours per day.

First family shot

As most of you know I have wild birth stories and this one is no exception.  at 1:30 in the morning I felt my water break slightly and since I had only been asleep for a couple hours I spent the next few hours in delirium and denial wondering if I was actually in labor and if my water had actually broken.  That day we were supposed to have spent the day in Logan interviewing so luckily we had a babysitter all lined up to stay two nights, so when I finally mustered up the courage to tell Justin I thought I was in labor around 4am we left our kids in our baby sitter's capable hands.  Arriving at the hospital around 5am and not really feeling contractions we got all set up in labor and delivery and now I was safely in the hospital I could relax and spent the next few hours sleeping while Justin researched minivans online.  Around 9am I could feel some more significant contractions coming on, but I was able to talk through them until my OB arrived at 9:45 to check me out and have a chat.  He said I was only dilated to a 7 or 8 and believed I still had at least 15 minutes left before I was ripe to deliver so he unwisely left around 10:15.  About five minutes after he left I had a very serious contraction, the kind I call the "why didn't I get an epidural?!!" kind of contraction and then I felt the pushing contraction and everyone who doesn't get an epidural knows it's impossible to "hold on" or "not push" because not pushing hurts significantly worse than pushing a baby out since that's the way nature intended it.  I had to push her out.  No one was scrubbed in, the nurse was frantically paging the doctor to get back here because baby was coming and Justin wasn't about to deliver her since his hands were also dirty.  Violette had the cord wrapped around her neck and because of that and because no one was helping pull her out, she started curving upwards, causing me to tear(I could totally feel that one) so I reached down and pulled her out in the right direction and basically delivered her myself.  The OB rushed in 15 seconds too late, sewed me up a little bit and it was finally over.

In the NICU

She looked remarkably like Henry with yellow/orange hair and strikingly similar features including long toes and fingers.  Perhaps she'll be one of my tall ones.  Violette let out a few little cries but the nurses noticed she was turning a little bit blue so they rushed her into the nursery to do some tests and found out she had amniotic fluid in her lungs, possibly because the cord was around her neck, causing her to breathe shallowly which also caused her heart rate to slow down.  They rushed her to the NICU where she spend the next three days being pumped full of fluids, and antibiotics and filled up with oxygen.  The amazing nurses took such good care of her and I spent a lot of time in there just holding her and trying to snuggle and nurse her, even though it was almost impossible with cords coming out of every direction, especially the IV coming out of her tiny little head which was heartbreaking.  Every time I moved her, an alarm would go off.  She was so calm and sweet and the nurses almost never called me to say she was crying or cranky. I spent a lot of time in my room listening to General Conference over again on the Mormon Channel.  I am now addicted to listening to the various programs on that application and it makes it easier to wake up for night feedings when I get to listen to Uchtdorf.  I usually wake up every morning tired, but uplifted by the spirit and I have to say that I feel so much support from the Lord and so blessed in every way.

Gotta get some oxygen little girl!

The day after I had the baby Justin called me to come outside and I met him in a new(used) white Toyota Sienna in almost perfect condition. He smiled and announced, "Happy Baby!".  It was definitely the best baby present I have ever gotten.  I thought I was spoiled when he got me the ipod shuffle after Henry was born.  haha.

All the kids on the couch.  Can you tell my kids were a bit neglected while I was gone?

We stayed in the hospital for an extra day and then Violette was able to come home.  I have had an extra swift recovery and I'm already up and out and about with the kids and the new baby doing all the fun fall things we love to do.  I have a helper staying with me just in case I need an extra set of hands while I get the milk flow going, which takes a lot of time sometimes but I feel confident that after next week I'll be able to do it on my own.

Someone's happy:)

Goodbye Baby Killer

I feel overwhelmed with joy and gratitude because of the wonderful blessings I have in my life and for my beautiful and wonderful children.  I feel the presence of the Lord in our house so strongly and I know he's sent us a special spirit who will be a sweet and calming presence in our home.  Thank you for coming into this world my darling little daughter.  Mommy loves you sweet one.